September has been weirdly productive for a month I've also spent a concerning amount of time debating my hair color for the coming weeks. 

I'm taking Microbiology, trying to develop new hobbies that don't send me into bankrupcy, and spending a little too much time with friends, whoops. 

I’ve decided trying things, learning things, buying things will be a regular occurrence around here because those seem to be the three ways I move through life. I either try something, develop an opinion about it, or somehow end up with a tracking number.

Often all three. 

TRYING THINGS

1. Actually learning Microbiology versus simply being enrolled in Microbiology.

There is a difference. 

I'm taking it as part of the whole future nurse operation, and I went into the semester thinking, "Okay, bacteria. How bad could it be?"

Apparently bacteria have been very busy.

They have structures, staining preferences, metabolic pathways, survival strategies, and what I can only describe as a robust internal culture for organisms that fit on the end of a microscope slide. 

Just last week I spent hours memorizing staining techniques and eventually found myself saying "Carbolfuschin, acid alcohol, methylene blue" aloud with the conviction of somebody practicing casting a spell. 

I also had to memorize all 20 essential amino acids and their abbreviations.

Twenty. 

There should be, like, seven.

I got a 28/30 on one quiz, which for a brief moment had me feeling intellectually unstoppable until I realized one of the questions I missed involved identifying the lid versus the bottom of something. 

Science giveth and science taketh away.

I've also discovered that this is one of those classes where you can't vaguely understand something and expect logic to carry you the rest of the way. An endospore doesn't care that I "basically get it".

Very humbling. 

2. Making Dinner Like Somebody is Coming Over

Nobody is. 

That hasn't stopped me. 

Recently I made a ginger teriyaki salmon situation with roasted asparagus and cranberry pecan wild rice. I've always loved cooking but I'm realizing that I especially like the whole making dinner feel like dinner part. 

There needs to be a vegetable. Preferably something roasted. There should also be a side dish that didn't come directly out of a bag. Everything should ideally finish cooking within the same ten minute window, although that part remains aspirational for me. 

I'm not saying every meal needs to be an event, I'm just saying if we're already eating then the asparagus might as well have a little personality. 

3. Living through "fall" where I live. 

September has apparently decided to cosplay as July.

I have a fall playlist. I have "You've Got Mail" queued up on the TV. I have mentally purchased my Halloween costumes. Pinterest keeps showing me girls wandering around New England with coffee and scarves while my bedroom has recently felt like somewhere bread dough would rise beautifully. 

At one point my house got so hot that I went to a friends for some much needed AC (my house is older and near the beach so we don't have a unit) because I couldn't fall asleep without waking up with a headache from heat dehydration.

And still every morning I wake up thinking perhaps today will be the day autumn finally understands the assignment. She has not. I continue to dress emotionally rather than meteorologically. 

4. Being Slightly Less Available to My Phone 

This one is newer. 

I'm starting to realize there's a difference between enjoying the internet and knowing what everybody I've ever met ate for dinner. 

There's just too much public information.

Someone is moving. Someone is dating someone. Someone is in Italy. Someone bought a couch. Someone I haven't spoken to since high school is suddenly very passionate about running. 

Good for everyone. 

I just don't think I need all of this before breakfast.

So I'm experimenting with being a little less reachable by apps and a little more reachable by my own brain, which sounds unbearably profound for what is esentially deleting Instagram for a bit, but here we are. 

Pinterest gets diplomatic immunity though.

LEARNING THINGS

1. There are very few problems I believe a hair appointment can't at least complicate further.

My hair has experienced several hypothetical identities this month.

Blonde.

Bronde.

Teddy bear brunette.

Darker brunette.

Scandinavian blonde.

Every brunette photo makes me think I’ve finally seen the light. Then I look at one photo of blonde hair and immediately take back every opinion I just had. Of course I ended up Scandinavian blonde, once again. Who knows if that'll ever actually change.

2. The things I care about are getting embarrassingly obvious.

I care about friendship a lot.

I feel like that's something that's developed especially as I've gotten older and realized how much we need friendship.

Not the girls you go out and post and party with. Actual friendship. Knowing somebody’s moods from the way they say hi. Sending a screenshot with no explanation because there is no explanation needed. Being able to call someone about something genuinely awful and, six minutes later, discussing whether bangs would destroy your life and where your next vacation will be.

There’s something so comforting about having people who know your history but don’t ask you to stay the person you were when they met you.

That’s rare.

I think I’m starting to understand that those relationships deserve just as much tending as any romantic one.

Maybe more, considering no boyfriend has ever successfully deciphered the difference between “okay” and “okayyy.”

3. I really like taking care of people.

This probably should have been obvious sooner.

I like remembering the weird little thing someone mentioned once. I like making people food. I like giving gifts. I like making people feel loved!

A birthday present recently began as “I’ll put together something cute” and ended with enough items to suggest I had secured private financing.

There was a candle.

There were cozy things.

There were little personalized things.

There was a trip involved.

At one point I looked at the whole setup and realized I had accidentally created a boutique.

But I loved doing it.

I don’t think the nurturing part of me is going anywhere, and I don’t want it to. I just want to get better at giving that energy to people who know what to do with it, and truly deserve it.

That seems important.

4. I’m much happier when I stop trying to force myself to like something.

This sounds extremely obvious until you realize how often we do it.

An outfit that needs six disclaimers, a plan you’ve been dreading since accepting it, a product you desperately want to love because it was expensive, a person you keep explaining.

If the first reaction is "maybe if…", I’m becoming suspicious.

Maybe with different shoes, or once I'm tanner, or when they're less stressed, or once I get used to it. 

Maybe is starting to look a lot like "no" wearing a fake mustache.

5. Being interested in your own life is so underrated.

I think this might be my favorite thing I’ve learned lately.

There’s something comforting about having little things that belong to you because you’re genuinely interested in them, not because anybody is impressed.

I like finding new music. I like making Pinterest boards. I like reading about places I want to go. I like cooking. I like designing things. I like making a bedroom feel cozy. I like studying something until the moment it finally clicks and I get to feel smug for twelve minutes before the next chapter starts.

None of this needs an audience (which is admittedly a strange realization to publish on a website).

Please ignore the contradiction.

BUYING THINGS

And now, finally, my formal area of study.

1. An increasingly elaborate bedtime situation.

This began because I thought it would be cute to have a little box under my bed with nighttime things. That is no longer what’s happening. We are approaching infrastructure.

There’s a weighted sleep mask, pillow spray, magnesium oil, fuzzy socks, overnight face masks, hair things, hand cream, lip balm, a book light, a journal, blue light glasses.

I’m also eyeing a Hatch alarm clock because I found out they have a Gilmore Girls alarm...

At this point going to bed has more steps than some small business openings.

Do I sleep better? Let’s not get distracted by metrics.

Daytime me has responsibilities and a screen time problem.

Nighttime me is apparently an elegant woman who reads in bed under warm lighting and has never heard of TikTok.

I buy books for her. Sometimes she even reads them.

I love buying books because the purchase itself already feels productive. You can walk out of a bookstore having done absolutely no reading whatsoever and still feel like you’ve accomplished something intellectually. Incredible business model.

2. Things for trips that do not occur for several months.

I’m going to New York in December. It is currently September.

This timeline has apparently not been communicated to my shopping carts.

The trip itself is already taking shape in my head: Christmas lights, skating, Broadway, getting dressed up for things, walking around until somebody’s feet hurt.

I’m trying very hard not to shop for every hypothetical moment in advance. My definition of “very hard” may differ from yours.

3. Groceries that make me feel like I have my life together.

There is a very particular satisfaction that comes from opening your refrigerator and seeing actual ingredients.

Salmon.

Eggs.

Broccoli.

Sourdough.

Shrimp.

Something in a glass container.

A vegetable you have intentions for.

Suddenly I am a woman with systems.

This feeling lasts until approximately Thursday, when I discover one lonely mushroom and half an onion and begin eyeing that DoorDash app. Still, we try.

4. Little products that promise to improve something I wasn't previously aware needed improvement.

I’m extremely vulnerable to this category.

A spray for your pillow.

A towel specifically for your face.

Silk for your hair.

A tiny cream for an extremely specific body part.

If the packaging is pretty and the copy suggests my previous routine was borderline barbaric, I’m listening.

This is exactly why I now have a Worth It? section on this website.

If capitalism is going to keep doing this to me, somebody should at least get a review out of it.

September, otherwise

I’ve been listening to music designed for rainy October afternoons while living in weather that could cook an egg on a dashboard.

I’ve studied more bacteria than I ever thought one person needed to know.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I actually like, which turns out to be a surprisingly entertaining question once you stop trying to give the impressive answer.

I like pretty things, but I also like useful things. I like being busy until suddenly I absolutely don’t. I like plans and I like the occasional cancellation. I like cooking for people. I like being alone more than I used to. I like my dogs in whatever room I’m in. I like getting dressed up and I like being in pajamas at an unreasonable hour. I like having something coming up on the calendar. I like when life feels full, but I’m learning that full and frantic are not the same thing.

September hasn’t contained some enormous revelation.

Thank God. I’m exhausted.

Mostly, it’s been a month of paying a little more attention to what I reach for, what I’m tired of, what makes me feel good, what deserves my energy, and what absolutely did not deserve overnight shipping.

Some findings were more expensive than others.

That seems like enough research for one month.

See you in October, provided the weather finally agrees to participate.